[This is one of the letters featured in "Dear Thelma" on last Sunday’s The Star newspaper. Was actually planning to post this on Monday but had to postpone it because of Green Day and Avril]

[Bold and bracket = me, yours truly. Everything else = the letter]

I have been dating A for more than a year. He is very kind and treats me well. I know he loves and cares for me but the only thing is, he is not telling the truth about himself. [How the heck is he treating you well when he is lying to you? How can he be a kind person if he lies? If he really loves and cares for you, would he had lie to you? Ask yourself, will you lie to the one you love and care? Stop making excuses for yourself. He may care and love you but NOT ENOUGH to actually tell you the truth about himself. What good is a guy like him? No good... except as crocodile food (it rhymes)]

After eight months of our relationship, he told me that he was actually younger than me. [For all that 8 months, you have been living with a lie. He looks at you everyday for 8 months consciously knowing that he is lying to you. I don’t think he care that much for you if he can lie to your face for 8 months and still able to live with it]

It does not matter to me whether he is younger or not, but the fact is that he cheated me. He also lied about where he lived and his parents’ occupation. [The fact is, you have been with a make-belief guy. He is not the guy that you think you are in love with. You are in love with a guy that was made up. Yeah, you got cheated and he cheated on you. And what did you just said earlier? Something about "he loves and cares for you?" Well, I think it’s not too much for me to suggest that he could most probably had cheated too when he says he loves you. Bummer]

Recently, I saw his resume and found out that he had no diploma, just a certificate. All this while, he told me he had a diploma. [I wonder why the heck didn’t he just tell you that he had a master degree or something like that. At least that would sound better than a diploma. He is a liar and he is a very un-ambitious liar. It’s bad enough to be a liar but to be an un-ambitious liar, now that’s really bad]

He said he was so sorry and promised not to tell lies again. The reason why he did this was that he was ashamed of himself. [If you had really believed that he is sorry and will never tell lies again, you wouldn’t have written this letter. You know you can’t trust him anymore even if you want to. There is no salvation left for the both of you. Cut it loose. And tell me, do you want a guy who is ashamed to be who he is? A guy who got no self-worth and self-appreciation that he would rather make up stories about himself and be someone that he is not? Why the heck do you still want him? And if you tell me "it’s because I love him" then I’m going to slap you (kidding). But I’ll tell you why at the end of this]

Sometimes, I blame myself because the difference between us makes him feel ashamed of himself. I come from a well-educated and established family. [Girl, you are suffering from low self-esteem right now. My guess is that you weren’t like this before but you got this way only after you have been with him. This liar boyfriend of yours is knocking your self-esteem down. Why would you blame yourself just because he is ashamed of himself? And the sad thing is, you are from a well-educated and established family but you are behaving like you are from a broken home. You have a guy that only makes you feel bad about yourself. If you are to continue with such mental thought, then the both of you will make a perfect match. A perfect match made in screwed-up heaven]

I persuaded him to continue his studies because, without a degree, we can’t get married, and I really love him with all my heart. [Are you on some kind of drugs? And you know drugs are bad, right? You want to get married to a guy who lie, a guy who has low self-esteem, a guy who is ashamed of himself, a guy who does not appreciate who he is, a guy who is ashamed of his own parents?!?!?!?!?!?! What kind of husband is he going to be? And above all, what kind of father will he be? You do not love him with all your heart; you have got freaking low self-esteem that you do not think you will get anyone better. But the truth is, you CAN get someone better]

I really don’t know what I should do to make him tell the truth. What have I done wrong? [For crying out loud and for my love of chocolate, you did nothing wrong! The only thing that you are doing wrong now is actually still being with him. This is not love. You have been with him for more than a year, and you got to know that he is younger than you after 8 months (the first big lie, I’m sure there are countless other lies in between). My guess is, on the 9th month, you found out he lied about where he lived. On the 10th month, you found out that he lied about his parents. On the 11th month, you saw his resume and you got to know his is an un-ambitious liar. And now after more than a year, you write this letter. It is obvious that deep down, you know that he is not going to stop lying. Otherwise, why would you write this letter? Stop lying to yourself, this guy is not going to change. His self-esteem is so low that he can’t be saved. He hates being himself, and "--HOW IN THE WORLD CAN HE LOVE YOU WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN LOVE HIMSELF?--" Wake up girl, you are well-educated, and you have a loving family. Why do you want a piece of crap like him? (I have a creepy feeling that I am talking like a girl right now *shiver*)]

[One possible reason why you still want him is because like all women, you like changing a guy. A broken, hopeless guy that you want to turn into a good one. If you watch Sex and the City, you will know that, even Carrie Bradshaw says that you can never change a man. So stop hoping that he will change because HE WILL NOT CHANGE. He WILL ONLY CONTINUE TO LIE]

[Another possible reason is that, you have low self-esteem and self-worth. Only a low self-esteem woman will stay with a guy like him. How much you rate him is how you rate yourself. He is a worthless-un-ambitious-liar and you want him, so what does that makes you? A girl who wants a worthless-un-ambitious-liar to be her husband, that’s what you are right now. To be honest, you are actually degrading yourself by still wanting to be with him. Love is not blind and love is not stupid. We are the one who are blind and stupid. We use love to justify everything, bad and good. Love in its own right is a good thing. Love is a chemical biological human body reaction that gives us the sensation of warmth, serenity, happiness, euphoria and bliss. It’s not supposed to induce misery and suffering. Love does not hurt. But when you say love hurts, you are giving love a bad name. When you are happy, that’s love. When you are sad, that’s love taking a crap. When you are sad for an extended period, that’s a sign that love is having a serious crap problem and you should go see a doctor fast. *WARNING: Caffeine Overdose. I actually impressed myself with what I’ve just wrote. Haha*]

[And ask yourself; will your parents be happy for you if they know the guy you are with is such a worthless-liar? Don’t do this for yourself, do this for your family, for the people you love and those who love you. Will they be happy for you or will they be sad for you? And do you want them to be sad for you? I am sure you can find someone better, so why do you want to keep on suffering in a misery that you truly do not deserve]

[This guy is not worth it. He is not what you want. You are not going to be happy with him. And there is no future for the both of you. And don’t even think about getting married and having kids. It’s bad enough that you are suffering right now, so do not put your kids thru the misery. They do not deserve it. If you really want to get married with him, promise that you’ll never have any kids, not even adopted ones. Just go get a cat. No dogs. Dogs deserve better. Or better still, go get a chimpanzee]

[I know I shouldn’t have bothered about this. But once in a while, it’s good to give some charity advice. It’s good for the soul and for my blood pressure. Btw, me not going to send this. I know what I wrote here is a little too harsh (me still learning how to be tactful, but me is slow learner so what to do ... sigh), so perhaps letting her burn is the best way to go. And I can move on writing silly advice like this when I feel charitable ;)]