[This article is written by a female writer, Heidi. It talks about nice guys, bad boys, women and self-esteem. And then, as usual, I got my 2 cents to give] [Bold and in bracket = me, not bold and no bracket = not me, meaning it’s the article] [It has been a long time since I last done this; so, anyone who are offended by anything I wrote, I apologize, it’s not my intention to offend anyone in any way. Me still learning how to be tactful, and I’m a slow learner]

There seems to be a mystery among the male species, besides their unending quest of trying to figure women out. Why is it that the nice guys always seem to be single while jerks are the ones whose little black books get filled with magical numbers? It seems to go backwards, doesn't it?
I think it’s safe to say that women like the excitement of the bad boy, but why? [There is no one answer why, they just do. Bad boys create emotions, mostly bad ones. Bad boys are insensitive, emotions. Bad boys are abusive, emotions. Bad boys just go in for the kill, excitement. It doesn’t matter if the emotions are bad, as long as it can trigger any kind of emotions, women are fine with it and they never seem to get enough of it. And I remember reading an article that says; some women need to cry once in a while in order to feel human/alive. Go figure]

There must be more out there to justify why women are left crying their eyes out because their boyfriends hurt them once again. And of course, the girl goes back to the bad boy, while the sweet boy is left in the corner of the bar dipping his olives in and out of his martini. And one thing for sure, in order for a man to develop a backbone and become more of a bad boy, in the hopes of attracting more women, he does have to be badly hurt once. However, there is a lot more to it than that. Observe. [I don’t think getting burn and become more of a bad boy is a bad thing. If done without the bitterness, it could actually be a good thing. Nice guys really need to learn and the best way to start is by getting burned. In order for a man to truly live, he has to die once. So girls, next time when a nice guy is into you and you’re not interested, do him a favor and burn the crap out of him]

Self Esteem Goes A Long Way
It doesn't take a dozen self-help books and men's magazines to tell you how important self-esteem is when it comes to relationships and behavior [Yeah rite!] When it comes down to the enigma of the sweet girl and the bad boy, the man isn't the only one plagued by low self-esteem. The union of this couple can be blamed on lack of self-confidence where both parties are concerned [True]

There are many reasons why men are jerks to begin with. First, they can simply be born to fit the character and their loser behavior can be blamed purely on a genetic disaster and negative social environment. If we have a problem, we'll just have to take it up with his DNA [I do believe genetic plays a role in how a kid would turn up to be. And the social conditioning too] The second reason; the nice guy turns bad boy because of heartache. In this case, the guy becomes a jerk because he's been burned in the past and doesn't want this to happen again. [This is what I would call, inborn self-defense mechanism. What that doesn’t kill you only make you stronger. But I do believe that all nice guys should be burn at least once. It puts things into perspective. But to those that will just never learn, shame on you. And in some (a lot?) cases, the male ego prevents them from actually seeing what they are doing wrong. Ego, just like confidence, has to be in balance. Too much or too little and it’s not gonna be good]

The third reason is the major one, partly related to reason number two; he simply has no self-esteem. This poor man needs to act like a jerk to cover up his lack of confidence. It's a sad, sad case. Ironically, most people would think that he is a jerk because he has too much confidence (this could also be the case), but this is where we are fooled most of the time. We can't imagine that this jerk actually has a low self-esteem because he is so insensitive towards everyone around him. [The third reason actually covers up most of the jerk population with the second reason coming second. Although not everyone in the second reason turns out to be a jerk. Some just got smarter along the way and some, sadly, got to be a jerk. But I'd blame social conditioning for most the jerks stemming from the third reason. Most of us are not born with low self-esteem. It's how, where and by whom we're being brought up]

Not only is he a jerk, he is also a great actor. His bad boy demeanor is his shield; the weapon that gives the illusion of confidence. But most importantly, it ensures that he will never get hurt. His snide remarks are used as defense mechanisms, kind of how a skunk releases a stench to ward off those who may be a threat. [They believe that offensive is the best defense. Before you can hurt me (I'm paranoid), I’m gonna hurt you first. I never really thought of it that way thou. I don’t think jerks are actors. They don’t "act" consciously. My theory (yeah, me and my theories) is that, because of the low self-esteem, they don’t like who they really are so in turn, they "changed" to be someone else (something like a façade). This could actually be a good thing but sadly, because the foundation of such change is flawed from the beginning, it makes it a bad thing. If someone wants to change, it has to be for the right reason and change for the better. They should have changed their self-esteem (by building up on it) instead of ignoring their short-coming and change on something else. Self-esteem is the foundation, and if the foundation is weak, nothing you change will matter because your are building on a weak groundwork]

Don't worry; the woman doesn't get away from this one easily. The woman who falls for this poor excuse of a man suffers from the same lack of self-esteem. In essence, these two make a perfect match [But please don’t get married and have children. The kids will grow up with a significant lack of esteem and that is not good. You do not want to screw your own kid] This poor girl has no self-esteem of her own and probably doesn't believe she can do better than this man. He has literally become the cause for the loss of all her friends and those Ben & Jerry's binges when he stands her up once again on Saturday night to meet his boys instead. [I could actually write a whole story on this. A girl likes a boy and knows the boy is just cheating on her BUT she STILL likes him. The girl KNOWS she has got better choice but STILL she wants the jerk. The girl is crying her eyes out but STILL she loves the jerk. The girl is not happy in the relationship but STILL she stays in it and loves the jerk. The girl knows he’s a rotten jerk but STILL she likes/loves him. The girl knows he doesn’t like her but STILL she likes him (don’t tell me that’s love. That’s BS). I understand why she STILL loves the jerk but I just can’t seem to swallow the fact that some people could act to this extent. Now, I just tell myself, she deserves it, some women do deserve it because they ask for it themselves. End of story. And I’m happy because I’ve now realize that there’s nothing I could have done no matter how much I want to care. How long she’ll stay in that misery of her is directly proportional to how much self-esteem she has. The lesser the esteem, the longer she’ll endure the suffering. Some people just need to go thru fire before they’ll learn, so from now on, I’ll just shut my mouth and let them burn (I call this tough love :)]

[Recent edit: This whole piece was actually written a couple of days ago. And today, I saw the horoscope thingy about Sagittarius that says; "try to refrain from inflicting your well-meant advice on people who would prefer to do their own things in their very own way even if it involves their making the very mistakes you are so keen to protect them from", and from my understanding, it basically means, let them burn :) Most Sagis are nice people but often misunderstood... nobody thinks they are nice *grin*]

One Hundred Dollars per Hour
I still stand by the fact that the woman who falls for the jerk is most likely to suffer from low self-esteem, but there could be another very important reason. In case men haven't noticed, women love playing the role of the relationship therapist. That's right; some women would do anything just to have the chance to get others to pour out their troubles, while they attribute most problems to an oedipal pre-adolescent complex. Most women love to know that they're the ones who discovered the solution to their boyfriends' problems and, in turn, healed them (so to speak). ["There’s nothing a woman loves more than fixing a broken man", a direct quote from a very beautiful lady. And I totally agree with this. I can’t really figure out the reason why but I think it’s related to a woman’s inborn motherly instinct, her nurturing nature]

To do this, they need a troubled soul to lie down in that leather couch; the jerk boyfriend. Most girls love to know that they "fixed" their jerk boyfriend. He was once a bad boy, but now he is a sweetheart and he's a changed man, all thanks to her. Yes, this is the challenge most women enjoy seeking, an incredible feat where they claim to have turned a lost soul around. If a man was perfect to begin with, what would be so exciting in the relationship? Women would be bored and they would probably have to create non-existent problems in the relationship to spruce things up a little. [Most men do not realize one thing, women LOVE drama. They can never live without it. Drama creates emotions and emotions are what fuel a woman’s soul. They do not like it when a relationship is going smooth sailing, there HAS TO BE a little storm in order for them to feel loved. They’ll try to make you jealous so that you can re-assure them that you love her. They’ll create an argument out of nothing and then have make-up sex. Apparently, the normal way to having sex is "boring and meaningless". To women, everything is more meaningful when there’s drama and emotions in it. And sometimes, the only reason why a woman starts an argument is because she wants your attention, she wants to hear your voice. This makes no sense to me but who am I to figure out women?] [Sometimes, when a woman creates some non-existent problems in the relationship, they don’t really mean it but most guys do not understand this and chances are the non-existent problems will escalate into a full blown crisis. So the next time your woman starts arguing, just grabs her, spin her around and french the moonlight out of her and everything will be fine :)]

A Balance Act
Balance is the solution to this twisted phenomenon. A man should be able to act sweet and gentlemanly when dating a woman, all while maintaining some mystique. Simply find some sort of middle ground because no woman wants a pushover. [Bad boys are bad inside out. Nice guys are good inside out. The balance is to be bad on the outside but good on the inside thus the "balanced" (for the lack of better word) man. It’s actually more possible for a nice guy to be the "balanced" man than having a bad boy turning into a "balanced" man. For a nice guy to be the "balanced" man, he only needs to learn how to emulate the bad boy’s "good/usable" personalities which are mostly learnable. But for a bad boy to be good on the inside, now that’s a whole different story. I won’t say that it’s impossible, nothing is impossible, but I would say that the chances are equal to finding a needle in the Pacific Ocean. Even if you manage to fix a bad boy into a sweetheart, it’s just a matter of time before he gets back to the "real" him. A crooked arrow can never be straighten back, there’s always gonna be a dent but a straight arrow can be crooked just the way you want it to be crooked ;)] [There’s a saying in Cantonese that goes "pun sing nan koi" which roughly translates to "it’s hard to change a person’s nature". So next time if you girls want to find someone to fix, try giving it a shot in fixing up the nice guys instead. Fix him up into the "bad boy" you want. And the good news is, this time you don’t have an abusive rotten jerk to start with but the bad news is, nice guys tend to be stupid in this kinda stuff so it’s gonna be a little frustrating but we all love a challenge rite? ;)]

But here is the good news; a girl who constantly falls for jerks is probably not worth having in the first place [This is actually a good advice. Some guys do deserve better. Build up your self-confidence and tell yourself "I deserve better". Not to say you should get cocky or overly confident, but it’s just a matter of how much you value yourself and how much (or less) you’re willing to settle for. And this actually makes the screening process for guys a lot easier. If jerks are all that she’s been dating, then NEXT! - "If she can’t see how special you are, then it’s her lost", rephrased from a quote from a movie staring Kirsten Dunst] Just be yourself, because whoever said that nice guys finish last was never in a relationship with a great girl. In the long run, the jerks are left with little black books filled with phone numbers of insecure girls, while the sweethearts get the woman worth spending a lifetime with. [Nice guys will (mostly) get the great girl in the end; hence nice guys finish last. Nice guys will get the great girl when the girl realizes that she’s been with the wrong ones all this while (might take some time for some girls to realize that). Doesn’t mean this as an insult but the nice guys will only get the bad boys’ leftovers if they don’t start acting up. In general, girls still tend to fall for the bad boys because that’s just the way it is. To ask for a nice guy to stay the same and still hope to find a great girl is equivalent to asking him to stay as a frog and hope for a princess to come by and kiss him, which only happens in a fairy tale (or in my dreams :p) and not in the real world. Nice guys actually have an edge here because they have a good heart to start with. The only thing left to do is to know how to attract the girl and make her happy (with the occasional drama in it :) It takes time but it’s worth it. Like what the article says, a woman worth spending a lifetime with; a good one, is really worth it. But you want to get the girl first before the bad boy does]

[Below: my theory on 3 types of guys. Do you think I'll get a Nobel prize for this? Nah... I don't think so either. Maybe I'll just get myself a box of chocolate ice-cream as the award and recite my acceptance speech in front of the mirror. *background applause*terima kasih*terima kasih*taking bow kiri kanan*some girl in the crowd threw a bra up the stage*some girls flashing their chest*some girls yelling "show us your knob!"*man, this is turning out like a Robbie Williams concert* And I think I should cut down on my coffee]

[When a nice guy falls in love with a girl, in his eyes, the girl is the perfect one, the one and only that he wants to be with. And when he got rejected or the relationship doesn’t end well, his world collapsed and he crash and burn (cue the Savage Garden song). This is actually how a nice guy views the whole relationship/dating thing, a naïve point of view. And this, to a woman is pressuring because of the commitment from the nice guy. Nice guys show commitment in the early stage and this is a burden to the girl because women do not commit that fast. If a woman wants commitment from you, she’ll ask for it. She doesn’t want you to commit without prior notice. Women tend to evaluate their options (other guys) and their situation (age, physical appearance, "harga saham") first before they are sure if the nice guy is the one she wants to be with. To the girl, the nice guy is just another guy but to the nice guy, the girl is the one. Nice guys are the best option for marriage because of the obvious reason (nice) and also for the commitment on their side and that is why nice guys finish last]

[For a bad boy, a girl is just another conquest. Love could come in to play with a bad boy but most of the time; it’s just a ploy in giving the girl what she wants and in return, getting what he wants (a 3 letter word starting with s ending with x). A bad boy knows he can always get another girl so do you really think he’ll stick to just one when he can have many? If you think his love for you will prevent him from cheating on you, well, think again. Think hard. Really hard. Harder. I say harder! Haha, sorry. Got carried away. For a bad boy, he comes first before the girl, but for the nice guy, the girl comes first before anything else. And the women’s style is actually the same with the bad boys. A guy is just another guy. A woman knows that there’s always another guy waiting in the line for her. Bad boys know the meaning of the word "NEXT". Women know the meaning of the word "NEXT". A nice guy world scratch his head and ask "NEXT WHAT?"]

[The "balanced" man knows that he might have to go thru 9,839,878 failures and rejections before he finds "the one". So to him, in the beginning stage, a girl is by default one of the 9,839,878 until she can prove to be the one. The "balanced" guy go into the dating game with the same intention as the nice guys, which is to find a good one but using the bad boys and women style of "NEXT-ing". When a relationship ends with a bad boy, usually the friendship ends too (although the girl might go back to him for an occasional "no strings attached night of passion" if he’s a good lay. And I got nothing to say about this). When a relationship ends with a nice guy, chances are the friendship will end too because the nice guy would be too bitter and he’ll spent most of his time learning how to be a jerk. But when things end with the "balanced" guy, it ends mutually and the friendship remains. If you want to be a man, you got to take it like a man and move on. Sounds corny but that’s how it’s supposed to be. Although there are some exceptions if the girl is a psycho or a stalker or she just can’t handle it well. But the guy should know better than getting himself with a mental. In short, a "balanced" man is a gentleman who knows what he wants, knows how to get it, and most importantly, he knows how to treat a lady right]