[Here are some excerpts from an interview between 3 girls and a player. All these 3 girls are actually the player’s exes and they are still friends even after the conquest has ended. The guy is a good role model. Really. A player with class] [Bold and bracket = me, the rest = not me]

I got three of them together recently to discuss where they draw their lines between players and jerks. After all, they're the ultimate judges.

Player: What's the first thing that attracts you to a man?

Helen: The guy's got to have some charm. I don't care if he's the most drop-dead gorgeous guy in the world, if he doesn't treat me like a lady, like I'm a little bit special, then it's "next."

Player: So what, to you, is an "effort"?

Chiara: I really like it if a guy opens doors for me, pulls out my chair, offers me his arm when we're walking, that kind of stuff. [Ok, if I ask a girl out and I offer my arm to her while we’re walking, wouldn’t that come off as a little weird? What would Malaysian girls think of such gesture? Under what circumstances can I actually pull such thing off? Or maybe I’m just too young to do that yet?]

Helen: But it's got to seem natural, like it's consistent with who he is, instead of just something he heard was a good thing to do. [Even if I can pull it off naturally (the arm thing), wouldn’t it still be weird? But I just got a feeling that most Malaysian girls will view such gesture as “coming on too strong” or the guy is just faking it. Or maybe Asian women just aren’t that used to western chivalry gestures]

Chiara: Yeah, that stuff, and you know, dropping physical hints along the way. If a guy kisses my hand while we're in a bar or whispers something in my ear with just the right amount of warm breath, that's worth tons of tender kisses later on because he's already set the tone, working me up earlier in the evening. [Nice one Chiara, nice one]

Amy: I like that stuff too, but don't you find that can come off as a boyfriend vibe? I mean, if the guy's being romantic like that, how are you supposed to know what his intentions are?

Helen: Yeah, I think I was a little confused at your age about that, too. I guess I'd say just because you're not marrying this guy doesn't mean you should settle for him being any less of a man. Probably the opposite, actually. But a smart player -- and I don't attach the negative meaning many women do to that title -- makes it clear to you that that's what he is. If he says something early on about "looking for fun," for example, well, that's a pretty clear sign. [Point well made. Very well made. “…just because you're not marrying this guy doesn't mean you should settle for him being any less of a man”. Now here’s a girl with high self-esteem]

Player: Probably. I generally do. I figure, if everyone's clear on what's going on and they're both on board, then you're that much freer to pursue good times without worrying about what this or that "means."

Amy: That's true. I remember thinking you had some... courage... telling me straight up like that what your intentions were, and even though I was looking for a boyfriend, I was intrigued enough and thought hey, I've got nothing to lose here, since at least I know where I stand. [Some may think that Amy is cheap or too easy but the truth is, there are actually guys who can pull this off. They tell you up front of their intentions and still get away with it. It’s just a matter of how they “proposed” it to the girl. If they felt that they are being treated like a sex object or “dirty” with the proposition then obviously it won’t work. But if you can make the proposition seem harmless, fun yet innocent (for the lack of better word, hehe), then it might just probably work. The difference is how you make them feel. And what kinda emotions you trigger]

Helen: Exactly. The last thing I want is to feel like I've been led on or like he's made a fool of me. I mean, I've got my pride, right? [If they feel they are being made a fool, it won't work. The key is how you make them feel. Certain things can invoke more than one feelings. The question is, which feeling do you want them to feel?]

Chiara: That's totally it.

Helen: I mean, if you just want something casual, better to get that out there than go on with some charade about how this is a romance that's going somewhere. [Well, the sad thing is most guys will do almost anything, even lying, just to get into some girls’ pants. And the saddest thing is that some girls just don’t see it. And the worst of all, some girls just DO NOT WANT TO SEE IT. They’ll just “neutralize” all their insecurities with some bullcrap excuses so that they don’t have to face the painful truth until it’s too late]

Amy: That's true. I know for me, I've had guys start feeding me some lines about how I'm the most beautiful woman they've ever seen, or how they'll always be there for me on, like, the second date. That definitely sets off my bullsh*t alarm. [Compliments work best if you do it with double meaning. “Hey, my aunty has got the same dress just like the one you are wearing. You've got good taste!”, smile and then talk about something else. Most girls will not get over it and then you’ll have an opening :)]

Player: But you are quite beautiful, Amy. You all are, in fact. You must get those kinds of compliments a lot, right?

Chiara: Yeah, sure, but if it's too early on, or it kind of comes out of nowhere, then it sounds too much like a ploy, you know?

Helen: Yeah, I don't want some guy upping the ante on me for no good reason. I mean, sometimes it's unnecessary compliments, or it could be physical advances, but I like to feel like things are moving at a natural pace. [That’s is why reading women magazine is a good thing. You know what tick them off and what kinda actions trigger what kinda emotions in them. So you learn what to do and what not to do by the stories they talked about in the magazine, although some articles are totally useless and maybe harmful but the Q&A can be really amusing sometime]

Player: Do you like to be in control, though, or do you prefer the man to take charge more?

Helen: No, I like the guy to be confident enough to have a plan for the evening, but without everything seeming so calculated that my interests seem almost incidental. You never know where the mood may take you, right? [Yes, you are right. You NEVER know where you’ll be having breakfast in the morning ;)]

Amy: Yeah, it's a pretty fine line. I mean, a charming guy can make everything that happens in an evening seem natural and even kind of... inevitable, I guess. [It’s natural to you because the charming guy is smart enough to make you feel that way. Or maybe he just got lucky]

Helen: I mean, I'm the woman, right? So if I want to take a shortcut and move things to a whole new level, I know I've got the tools [indicating her body] to do that. I don't need the guy pushing that angle too hard. Like Amy says, it's a pretty fine line, which is probably why so many guys screw it up, I guess. [True. A guy CANNOT move the thing to the new level. Only a girl can do that. Stupid guys will go all sexual and physical on the girl trying to get it into the new level. Smart guys will make the girl want to take it to a new level. The more you want it, the less they want it. The less you want it, the more they want it. It’s just like playing with the pussy cats. Hehe]

Player: You guys make it sound so hard.

Amy: No, no, wait. I mean, we're willing to go with the flow too, a bit. There are just some obvious don'ts that some guys don't seem to know about.

Player: Right. But before we get to those, I just want to get something straight. If the guy's been clear about his intentions and is paying attention and walking that fine line without falling off, what other things do you hope he will do?

Chiara: Well, I guess especially if he's been clear, then he's free to be all the more charming, like we were talking about.

Player: And how would each of you define "charming"?

Chiara: For me, I guess it's being considerate -- attending to my needs -- while also being intelligent and funny. You're right, that does sound like a lot! [Asking for more is better than settling with inadequacy and frustration. If you think you deserve better, then demand for it. If you think don’t think you deserve any better then just go with whatever you can find. It’s just a matter of how much one value oneself]

Helen: But it happens! I agree with the funny part, that's key. I'll take a guy who can hold a good conversation and make me laugh but is average in bed, over the best lay in the world who's kind of a bore any day of the week. [I remember a saying that I once read that goes something like this; “It’s not the size of the wand that matters, it’s the magic that you can do with the wand”]

Player: Even just for a fling?

Helen: Yup. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's got to be good in bed too, or else, what's the point? A nice guy who's a bad lay is called a friend. [LOL. I really laughed when I read this]

Player: I've never heard that word sound so bad.

Chiara: I agree with her. If he's found enough of my hot spots in bed, the real difference is whether or not he's good company. If we can have an intelligent conversation, that's sexy. But not just sex talk. It could be about movies or the news or whatever. And that goes for both before and after sex. [But it takes 2 to tango. As hard as it is to find a guy who can hold an intelligent conversation, it's just as hard finding a woman who can do the same. Most women these days are "arrogant". Not their fault directly but they do have some responsibilities. Most guys are just happy enough to get a girl. Women hold the trump card, sex, and they expect the guy to do almost everything and not doing anything herself. Women think that by having what men want (sex) they don't have to do anything else, and this kinda thought actually applies to a significant number of women in general. And truth is, a lot of men actually do not care if the girl can hold an intelligent conservation or not because all they want is sex (Scientifically proven. Men want "rewards" when in a relationship). And because of this, the number of women who are mentally stimulating is dwindling because they don’t see the need to be mentally stimulating, physical attraction is enough to them (or so they thought). And this put a number of men in disadvantage because there are guys who want more out of a girl then just physical gratifications]

Player: What about ending it? Is that awkward?

Helen: It doesn't have to be. People have to realize that these things just have a tendency to run their course. Novelty's a big part of it, so when it's not so hot and steamy anymore, some guys will start feeding you lines or making you promises or suddenly asking about your family just to keep it going.

Chiara: Or buying you flowers or other presents. [to compensate for the fading fire of passion]

Helen: Yeah, and that just looks sad. Be mature and realize that even if it's been great, people just move on sometimes, you know? Look, that's what happened with us, and we're still friends! [Like I said, the player has got class. A good role model]


End note from the player: No matter how charming you are, you can't always win them over or keep them interested forever. If a woman turns you down, remain a gentleman. Don't be a jerk. Otherwise, it may come back to bite you in the ass. [Amendment to me New Year’s resolution, no more jackass (not that I’m gonna be one anyway) and no more nice guy. But I think I can be a gentleman or maybe a gentleboy for a start :)]