We learn geology the morning after the earthquake. - Ralph Waldo

My heart goes out to the victims. May God have mercy.

A tribute to the greatest punk rock band on earth, Green Day. This might sound funny but whenever I feel like shit I’ll just listen to them and things will just get better. What am I ever gonna do without them?

[Punk’s not dead. It just smells like that]

"Stuart And The Ave"

Standing on the corner of
Stuart and the Avenue
Ripping up my transfer
And a photograph of you
You're a blur of my dead past and rotting existence
As I stand laughing on the corner of insignificance

Well, destiny is dead
In the hands of bad luck
Before it might have made some sense
But now it's all fucked up

Seasons change as well as minds
And I'm a two faced clown
You're mommy's little nightmare
Driving daddy's car around
I'm beat down and half brain dead
The long lost king of fools
I may be dumb
But I'm not stupid enough to stay with you

Well, destiny is dead
In the hands of bad luck
Before it might have made some sense
But now it's all fucked up

We’re all fucked up...
You’re all fucked up...

22nd Dec 2004 - The Star's newspaper

Hong Kong: An honest man in China who handed back US$3,600 (RM13,680) he found in the street has been divorced by his wife who told him he was an idiot, a news report said yesterday.

The lorry driver made newspaper headlines earlier this year when he returned the cash and a US$230 (RM874) mobile phone, the hong kong edition of the China Daily said.

His wife and family in Nanjing, eastern China, reportedly considered him a fool for not keeping the booty to pay off his considerable debt.

[Like what I've always say, nice guys finish last. Guess now I can finally decide on what's my new year's resolution. To be a jackass]

[Most people do not cheat on their own initiative, it's usually the other half who "pushed" them to cheat. If you are happy with her/him, you would never cheat. Period]

By Curt Smith

Dear Curt,

I just ended a six-month relationship because the person whom I believed to be the man of my dreams turned out to be a cheater. At this point in my life, I have given up all hope in men.

It's unfortunate, but six out of the eight men that I've dated were unfaithful to me. I must admit that being a victim of unfaithfulness is very stressful and has caused me a lot of pain. Regrettably, I've come to the same conclusion that most women already know: men cheat because they're pigs.

Curt, are men really just evil pigs controlled by their one-eyed monsters, or is there any hope in my ever finding a man who does not cheat? [Me, me... me no cheat. Me good... haha]

[There's actually a contradiction here. Nice guys finish last and if you don't cheat, you are a nice guy and you finish last. If you cheat, you'll finish first but people will call you a pig. Jennifer ended up with 6 cheaters and that proves not-nice guys do finish first more often than nice guys. Who's to blame? Blame the woman for always choosing the wrong ones or blame the nice guy for... well, being nice?]

Regards,
Jennifer, the pig herder

What goes around comes around

Jennifer, I have one question for you: Have you ever tried dating women? You'd be surprised to see that the grass isn't greener on the other team's playing field. As hard as it may be for you to fathom, women cheat too. So instead of making this a gender war or comparing one another to farm animals, we should seek to understand why people cheat.

How would you feel if I told you that your man cheated on you because you are an ugly, overweight, boring, lousy lover who can't get anything right and even though your man tried to make things work, your old-fashioned, sexually stubborn self never agreed to compromise? Ouch! That sounds pretty harsh. It's just a lot easier to call a man a pig.

The same applies to men. It is a lot easier for a man to call his adulteress ex-wife a bitch, than it is to admit that maybe she cheated on him because he spent more time with his friends at strip clubs, watching sports all night, playing video games, and masturbating to pornography.

Open your eyes

The problem is that sometimes people are quick to point the finger at others rather than analyze why the individual cheated. Maybe your own actions had a big role in pushing the other to the brink of temptation.

By blaming and labeling others, it inevitably hinders people from looking deeper into the problem and trying to resolve it before it recurs with another mate.

The common belief is, I'm not a bad person. I don't need to change, I'm not the one who cheated. The result is that the whole process repeats itself without being rectified, which is probably why so many men and women complain about having been cheated on in so many relationships.

So why do people cheat?

The answer is...

So if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs, sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.

People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding [keyword: ACCEPTING. Some people would never accept they have problems. Sad but true] these shortcomings -- instead of ignoring them -- we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge.

A prisoner of your instincts

The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger, and which one has a bigger influence in your life. In general, each person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive that dominates a person's actions.

Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one's evolutionary sexual drive.

Throughout history, men have argued that it is in their biological nature to desire multiple partners. Over time, we have evolved towards taking a partner in order to help raise our children and enforce a set of moral codes that contradict our stronger physical needs.

Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose to be faithful without the right conditions in place, we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment. [Here's a revelation; when a man say he has commitment issues, the problem is actually not with him. The problem is actually with the woman. If the conditions (read: the girl) are right with him, why the heck would he have commitment issues? "Commitment issues" is just a smoke screen, an excuse (a lousy one too). Give me my Santarina and try ask me if I have any commitment issues... hehe]

Once we can accept that 10,000 years of social monogamous behavior cannot supersede millions of years of physical evolution, only then can we learn to work around our weaknesses. [Why the heck did we evolve actually? Adam and Eve were happy walking around naked, why can't we do that too? God's creations are suppose to be admired. Why cover them up? How am I suppose to admire God's creation when I can't see it? Sigh...]

Beaver-built dams

We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical instinct) -- the stronger of the two (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) -- and minds (emotional needs). In order to understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate, we need to make a few comparisons.

Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person (both men and women) is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of the hardest elements to contain), and the only thing that can control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human's decision to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam's foundation is built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the "water" will eventual break through the "dam."

In short, humans have set very difficult (but attainable) objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore, in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the emotional support toward our lifetime partner is strong enough to keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing.

So what are these conditions that will keep the dam strong? In order to ensure a stable relationship, you must tend to all of the following reasons why people stray...

1. Physical Drive

• No longer finding partner sexy or attractive
  Try to stay in shape or at least maintain the same shape you had when you first met your partner. Working out together is a great way to spend time together while keeping each other physically fit and appealing.
• Sex may be readily available with another
  Do not deprive your spouse of his or her sexual needs -- even when you don't "feel like it" or have a headache.
• Current partner is unavailable for sex
  Try to avoid spending long periods of time away from one another. Being out of town on a business trip for a few weeks isn't so bad, but letting the few weeks become months will inevitably lead to temptation.
• No sexual variety
  Changing your sexual routine and ensuring an array of adventurous sexual delicacies will keep your partner wanting more and wondering what will be next, instead of thinking of someone else.
• Less sex
  The more sex you have and the more satisfied you are, the less likely you'll go out looking for more.

2. Emotional Needs

• No longer feeling accepted, desired by another
  You could be having all the sex in the world, but if you don't feel accepted, respected, desired, adored, loved, or worshipped, you will always be looking for that person who will give you all these things. And when that person comes along, you might be tempted by their warm, fuzzy fruit.
• The challenge is not exciting and boredom sets in
  The sex is fun, you're physically stimulated, but you are not emotionally stirred. And the whole mood, scene or companionship can become boring. Take part in exciting activities together in order to keep the thrill in your social life.
• Fulfilling something perceived to be missing in current relationship
  Just because you're satisfied, that does not mean your partner is. The only way you're going to know this is by communicating with one another. Couples should spend a few hours a week talking about their relationship, both the positives and the negatives. Remember, your doctor does not know that there is something wrong with you unless you tell him. How can your mate help if you don't discuss things?

There is no eternal bliss

When a person succumbs to temptation, they might forget what attracted them to their partner in the first place, and lose sight of the chemistry and infatuation they once experienced for that person. It is a delusion to believe that a relationship should always progress smoothly on the road to eternal bliss. However, focusing on the negative will lead one to perceive that they are so miserable that they seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere.

Cheating is simple; a relationship is more complicated. Cheating usually offers instant gratification, physically and emotionally. A relationship requires lots of maintenance. Giving it care and attention along with trust and communication will continuously help both people grow.

If you become involved with another person, you owe it to yourself and your spouse to be honest. Creating lie upon lie will only hurt everyone involved. Take a close look at your relationship before seeking happiness with another person.

Also, remember that the new person will require just as much maintenance. No matter how green the grass looks, eventually it will need to be grained, fertilized and trimmed or before you know it, you'll have weeds all over the place. Something to think about the next time that pretty girl at the office smiles at you, boys. Get it on!

.
.
.

[In the end, we just wanna be happy.]

by Jonathan Carlson

I must admit that playing the field is a whole lot of fun, but so is being in a serious relationship -- provided that it's with the right woman. But how do you know if she really is the right woman for you? If she possesses the following 10 traits, you better hold on to her for dear life or, before you know it, a guy who already knows where it's at will get his hands on your "goods."

Number 10 - She's independent
No one wants a girlfriend they have to baby-sit. Once in a while, like if she's had a rough day at work, it's great to be her shoulder to cry on, but if she can't seem to function without you and is constantly after you, she will eventually make you feel like you're suffocating, which is a surefire way to get you running out the nearest exit.

On the other hand, if she has her very own personality and opinions, can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally, and is able to enjoy time away from you -- while still missing you, of course -- then she must be a great girlfriend.

Number 9 - She's intelligent
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the bimbo routine gets real old, real fast. A woman who can meet you at an intellectual level is a total turn-on. Instead of being the one in total control, you'll find yourself trying to figure out what she's really thinking behind those glazed eyes of hers -- or if she's actually thinking at all.

An intelligent woman will constantly surprise you and keep you on your toes. She won't let you get bored of her. Besides, it's nice to have something to talk about between all that chandelier-hanging sex.

Number 8 - She's sexual
While we're on the topic, a great girlfriend has to be sexually compatible with you. For instance, if you're into S&M and she's more the "fluffy lingerie" type, that's a problem. The two of you have to be on the same page -- or, at least, she has to be willing to wear leather and use a whip from time to time.

Of course, this doesn't imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away; it simply means that you and she have an undeniable attraction towards each other, and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues). It is important that you please each other in the bedroom, or on top of the dryer -- whatever the case may be.

Number 7 - She's beautiful
I know, this one is kind of obvious, but important nonetheless. A great girlfriend will not only want to look good for you, but also for herself. She should always look her best and be well put together -- matching lingerie is a definite plus.

You have to be proud to have her on your arm and enjoy the sight of her in any light. And this doesn't mean that she has to be a Heidi Klum clone. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so if you think her full bottom or uncontrollable curls are beautiful, you're allowed.

Number 6 - She respects you
This is a biggie. Your woman must respect you. This means that she listens to you, even if she doesn't necessarily agree with what you're saying. And, of course, she never tries to demean or belittle you in any way, shape, or form.

A great girlfriend won't ever cause scenes in public or in front of your friends and family, and will always wait to discuss matters with you in private. If she respects you, chances are that she will behave in a tactful and diplomatic manner in most situations, which is definitely a good thing.

Number 5 - She lets you be a man
Do not -- I repeat -- do not get involved with a woman who tries to get you to eat cottage cheese and fruit for breakfast and insists that you give up poker night with the guys. You will end up resenting her more than you can imagine. A good girlfriend lets you be a guy in all your glory, poker night and all. If she's a great girlfriend, she'll even bring you and your buddies a couple of beers and make you some of her famous sandwiches.

She has to understand that men and women are different and should allow you to be yourself. Just like you wouldn't deprive her of going shopping with her best girlfriend, she shouldn't expect you to give up the guys for her.

Number 4 - She's nagless
There is nothing worse than a nag! A great girlfriend knows this and chooses her battles wisely. She knows when to speak-up and when to let it slide. You don't want a girlfriend who will give you the heights of hell for leaving a couple of dishes in the sink occasionally.

However, if you live together and you stay out all night without calling her, and she lets you have it, then you're setting yourself up for disaster. This is a situation that nobody would let slide -- not even a great girlfriend.

Number 3 - She gets along with friends & family
A great girlfriend will not only help your mom in the kitchen, listen to your dad's stories, and hang out with your friends, she will enjoy it. She'll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. And she won't try to get you to ditch your best buds.

She'll actually empathize with your brother's getting dumped and suggest that you guys take him out to cheer him up. Not only that, but your friends won't roll their eyes and moan when you mention that she'll be joining you guys when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).

Number 2 - She loves you
If you have found a woman who loves you for who you really are and not who you pretend or try to be sometimes, you should definitely hang on to her. A woman who doesn't try to change you is hard to find. Of course, everyone has their slightly annoying habits that their mate has to contend with, but if she really loves you, she will be able to cope with these.

Another way to know if she really loves you is by observing the way she looks at you and treats you on an everyday basis. If the sight of you doesn't seem to faze her either way, and she doesn't really seem to care about what you have to say, she's either playing very hard to get, or sees you as just some guy. But if a surprise visit or phone call from you makes her light up, there's no denying that she loves you.

Number 1 - She makes you want to be a better man
Stop making that face... Any man who has a great girlfriend or wife will tell you that she makes him want to be a better man. She doesn't have to say or do anything; it just is that way. If you suddenly feel bad about how you treated your sister or find yourself trying to get your finances in order, you might want to think about your motivation for doing so. It could be love.

Do you already have her?
So, if this list seems to describe your current flame, you, my friend, are styling. In fact, you are probably the envy of all of your friends, even if they tease you for losing your status as "king player."

However, if the woman you are dating is more like the polar opposite, then I don't think that getting serious with her would be in your best interest -- but you knew that already, didn't you?

In The Star’s newspaper today.

Wellington: "Dear Santa, I want a man for Christmas".

Such requests mark a new trend on New Zealand Telecom’s "Santaline", traditionally dominated by children seeking bicycles, dolls and toys.

"Listen Santa, I want a new man this Xmas. I broke the last one" said one email.

"Hi Santa, I have been very good this year … I would like a new man for Christmas and the New Year please" said another.

"Could you please send me an elf to do the dishes? Make him a cute little sexy one, and I would prefer that he cannot talk, burp, or talk about rugby or politics" was another request.

"They’ve been quite specific" Telecom’s Pam Wong told Radio New Zealand. "Traditionally, "Santaline" has been targeted for kids. This time it has evolved to include the parents, but even females in their 20s and 30s are e-mailing us to say ‘hey, really we’d like a man’."

What are the chances of their wishes being granted? "Well, we’re sending all these through to Santa" Wong said. "Time will tell"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Santa, I’ve been a very good boy all year and I would like a Santarina for this Christmas to fulfill me "wishes", preferably covered in chocolate. And if it’s not too much to ask, I’d like her to stay until at least the next Christmas.

I know you’re old, Santa. So as a precaution, I am listing you the details on how I would like my Santarina.

• Long hair. Whatever color will do.
• Big eyes. If possible make it violet in color… hehe :p
• Fair skin. Not that I have anything against not-fair skin but since its Christmas, I would like to have a "white" Christmas ;)
• Not too short, not too tall. Just nice.
• I know you live in the North Pole, but please send me a Santarina who can at least understand basic Cantonese.

Btw Santa, when I say Santarina, I don’t mean Mrs. Claus ok. So please don’t go sending me your wife. I’m sure Mrs. Claus is great but I’d still prefer a solid piece of work, and Mrs. Claus is... well, not so solid anymore. Hehe.

It’s ok if you can’t send her on time. I’ll accept delayed delivery but please don’t make me wait too long thou. Good boy like me shouldn’t have to wait too long if at all *wink*

P/S: Dear Santa, if there’s a problem with the "chocolate department", it’s ok. Just send me my Santarina and I’ll take care the chocolate myself. Hehe.

Heart - Never [right click... download as, then rename back to .mp3]

[sorry for the quality of the song, I don't have storage large enough. If you're using winamp, turn on the equalizer thing and using the "rock" preset. It makes it sounds better]

Hey baby, I'm talking to you
Stop yourself and listen
Some things you can never choose
Even if you try, yeah
You're bangin your head again
Cause somebody won't let you in
One chance, one love
Your chance to let me know

We can't go on
Just running away
If we stay any longer
We will surely never get away
Anything you want...we can make it happen
Stand up and turn around
Never let them shoot us down
Never, Never
Never, Never run away

[Hey baby you know it's true]
[Why you bother lying when you know]
[That you want it too]
[Don't you dare deny me]
[Walk those legs right over here]
[Give me what I'm dying for]
[One chance...one love]
[Hold me down never let me go]

We can't go on
Just running away
If we wait any longer
We will surely never get away
Anything you want...we can make it happen
Stand up and turn around
Never let them shoot us down
Never, never
Never, never run away
Never, never
Never, never run away

Hey baby I'm talking to you
Stop yourself and listen
Some things you can never choose
Even if you try, yeah
You're bangin your head again
Cause somebody won't let you in
One chance, one love
Your chance to let me know

We can't go on
Just running away
If we stay any longer
We will surely never get away

OO OO Never
OO OO Never
We can't go on, Never
We can't go on, Never
OO OO Never
OO OO Never
We can't go on, Never
We can't go on, Never

Nice guys finish last, but on this fateful day, this fateful December 23 years ago… I finish first (out of the millions you know what).

Ocean’s twelve starts on 9th December and twelve is the new eleven. I’m the new twelve… hehe

9th December 2004

1.30AM: got an SMS from a friend (the one who’s a solid piece of work… hehe) wishing me. Saw that the message was received at 1.00AM so I guess the phone must have vibrated for half an hour. Saw the message and then send her back a thank you reply and went back to sleep.

2.00AM: woke up again. Getting pretty tired these few days and the fact that 2 hours later there’s a football match. Went to take a bath, warm up the leftover dinner my family left for me (my family loves me, they would never let me starve so they leave me with the leftovers… hehe) nothing much to eat but enough to get me thru the morning.

2.30AM: went back online (the line was already hooked up, so basically I just went back to the chair). Surf a little, download a lot, listen a little and watch a lot. Was still trying to look for F.I.R’s songs but to no avail so I’ll just settle with Green Day for now. For those who never heard of Green Day, they’ve just come out with a new album, American Idiot and their first 2 singles from the album went no. 1 on the modern rock billboard. The latest single, “boulevard of broken dreams” is SERIOUSLY darn nice. And when I say nice, IT IS really nice.

3.30AM: me got no Astro at home so I’ll just have to settle with whatever the free TV has to offer so I got AS Roma vs. Real Madrid on the tube. Me mom still don’t want to let me have Astro coz she scared I’ll get lazier (a valid point she got there I have to say). And me being a good boy who always listens to his mom of coz I’ll do what she say… hehe. I would have gone for piercing and tattoos if it wasn’t my mom objecting.

3:35AM: the malay guy on the TV still talking crap before the match start. And btw, a little background on the most important match, the Liverpool match. Today was the last match in the group stage and Liverpool needed to win in order to get thru to the next round. They needed to win by 1-0 or at least 2 clear goals. It’s either do or die.

3:45AM: match starts. Me got no Astro so meaning no Liverpool match for me. The AS Roma vs. Real Madrid match was not bad. So during the match, they will occasionally update the score from other match.

3:55AM: there was a score line update and Liverpool was down 0-1 and the sound of my breaking heart was deafening. I was like, “oh come on… don’t do this to me, not today”.

4:30AM: half-time. Went to check the score on a website, Liverpool is indeed down 0-1. Sakit hati gila wa cakap sama lu. Sakit perut pun tak sakit macam ni.

4:45AM: match resume for second half.

4:53AM: score line update, Liverpool equalized. Was a bit happy but still pretty much heart broken.

[Forgot what time] AM: another score line update, Liverpool leading 2-1. Start praying.

[3 minutes before full time] AM: another score line update. Liverpool 3 – 1 Olympiakos. Went jumping and screaming (not too loud, or I’ll get whack by my family. They love me that’s for sure but they dun appreciate a nutcase screaming in the middle of the morning while they are sleeping)

[after match end] until now: pretty much still happy from the result. Gonna be real happy if by the end of the day me can get a woman in chocolate. Hehe (well, you can’t blame a guy for wishing)


P/S: for those who ask why don’t I write anymore.

It’s not that I don’t want to write… but I guess I’ve just lost it. I supported Liverpool since I was a kid. Even if they suck these days, I still love them. Win or lose I’ll forever be a fan and that’s because I believed in them and it’s my passion.

I started writing because I’m selfish. Mom always says that I am hard headed and stubborn. True. I believe in my point of view and I’ll continue believing and defending whatever I believe until someone can prove me otherwise. And the selfish part is that, I want people to hear me. I could talk to people but who would care? So I ended up writing because 1. I cant fulfill my selfishness 2. sometimes it’s easier talking to paper than talking to human (at least paper won’t ask u stupid question.

Why I stop writing? Because after 3 months of writing, no doubt I feel better every time after I write a post (or like they say, you feel “lighter”), but I realize something that it doesn’t change anything. I can write as much as I want and feel good about it but in the end, it doesn’t change a shit. So why should I even bother?

Call me naïve but every time I read the papers I just don’t understand why some assholes do what they do. The bombing, killing, raping, incest, mugging, beating and everything. Stupid guy writing to the “I need help” column telling the nation his girlfriend left him and now he’s contemplating suicide. Stupid girl can’t decide between A and B. A treat me very nice but I like B and I don’t want to lose either one of them. What should I do?

People who know me will know that I’ll have a lot to say about all this but I’ve come to a realization that no matter how much I do and say, some people will just never change.

Some say that I’m the one who should change, perhaps I should and I did. I’ve changed from needing to get myself heard to “screw it, it won’t change a thing”.

I have the passion but I lost the motivation. Maybe a woman in chocolate can help the motivation… hehe.

Thank you… to whoever’s still reading.

Me birthday wish: peace and woman in chocolate.