Saw this on the telly, again. Eve’s Diary. Before you start judging me, let me get this clear, I didn’t watch the show because I am a sissy; I just watch the show because I am captivated by the host, Cleo. Man, she is cute especially when she talks. It’s a mandarin show and my mandarin sucks so it does prove that I didn’t watch the show because of the show but because of the host.

But anyway, today’s show is about chivalry. Or in mandarin "fung tau" (I guess). So is chivalry dead these days? A lot of women on the show do seem to agree with it that most men these days aren’t really that much of a gentleman anymore. And sad to say, I do have to agree with them.

There aren’t anymore "ladies first" these days or it’s getting less and less. You don’t see guys opening a door for a girl anymore. The best a guy would do is to just walk first, push the door hard enough so that the girl behind him will have enough time to walk thru that door before it closes. You don’t see them holding the door for girls to walk past first. But to be fair, girls do play a factor in the death of chivalry.

As a girl, if you were happen to walk thru a door at the same time with a guy and he stops and open the door for you, what would you think? Yes, you’d say thanks and just walk but deep inside you might just think "losers" or "you aren’t going to impress me with that" or "I bet you open a lot of doors for women". And truth is, some girls even give out a cold stare or worse, a "what the hell do you think you are doing?" kinda look. So how do you expect a guy to be polite or nice when women aren’t giving them their due credits for being nice in the first place?

I remember offering a seat for a girl in LRT, well, actually it was an empty seat so I told her to take it and what I get in return is a “don’t you think I can’t stand?” kinda look. I think she’s a feminist. It was actually quite scary since I was just trying to be nice so I wasn’t expecting anything hostile from her. And since then, I stop offering anyone seats or anything for that matter, except for less able people and pregnant women.

Side story: Yeah, pregnant woman. Sometimes I really cannot differentiate between big tummy women and pregnant women. If I offer her a seat and she’s not pregnant, then it would be insulting to her. But if she’s really pregnant then I’d be a jackass for not offering my seat. That is why I always believe that pregnant women should wear a tag or something. Just to avoid the embarrassment. I’ve been in this situation a few times and it seriously sucks. To give or not to give. So what I’ll usually do is I’ll just stand up and walk away to another side. If she wants to seat, she seats.

Ok, back to main story, another reason why most men these days aren’t really a gentleman is because of the culture. Most of the viewers of the show that gave their opinions actually pin pointed Malaysian man to be impolite or “mou fung tou” (in Cantonese, means no fung tou, dunno how to explain in English). Chivalry exists mostly in the west and Europe. And the fact that chivalry is tightly linked to knights in shinning armor explains a lot why westerner are more of a gentleman that us Malaysian. Malaysian history does not have knights in shinning armor; we only have pahlawan in kain sarong.

In Malaysia, you see a lot of guys who swear in front of girls, Chinese especially. And I don’t mean swearing at the girls, I mean a bunch of guys talking in foul language in the presence of a lady. That is seriously rude. I used to be a very nice guy, I hardly swear *laugh*. Well, I do swear but if you compare it to the others, I am like a baby swearing. But I mixed too much with Chinese after my secondary that I sometimes wonder is it really ok to swear in front of a lady? I don’t see any girl saying anything about it; they just treat it as nothing. But I am proud to say that I never swear in front of a lady but I do swear when around guys, it’s a guy thing *grin*. My swearing stops automatically when a girl is in the area. Not because I am trying to put up a nice act but I just can’t get myself to swear in the presence of a lady.

I remember once opening the door of a cab for a lady friend and there was a pleasant surprise look on her face. At first I thought maybe it’s because I’m too damn good looking that morning *laugh* but then I realize that it’s actually because there are hardly any man who do that anymore. And the fact that I’m just a friend to her makes it even more than just a nice gesture. If it was a date then she would have expected it but if a guy does it out of the blue then it would mean something. Another way to sweep a lady off her feet *grin*

Another reason why chivalry seems to be fading is because men are learning from their mistakes. Look at history, Chinese especially. How many kingdoms and dynasties have fallen because of woman? Women are devious by nature (before anyone flame me, think hard). You never know what’s in a woman’s mind. If a guy is too nice to a lady, there’s a big probability that she would use him or take him for granted. Not that they want to but they just can’t help it. That is one of the reasons women do not really like sissies or nice guys in general because if they were to be given a nice guy, they know that in the end, she will end up using him and she will feel guilty about it. But she can’t help it. It’s like a struggle within, they can’t resist taking advantage of a nice guy (who offered himself to be taken advantage of) but at the same time she doesn’t want to take advantage of him because she knows there will be guilt to deal with later on. But like always, goodness hardly put up a fight. She’ll just end up taking advantage of the nice guy, thus making chivalry fading even faster. Women, such interesting creature *chuckle*

And one of the most famous excuse women use to justify the action of taking advantage of a nice guy is "he asked for it". Well baby, whatever makes you sleep better at night *grin*

A caller called in and says that men do not act chivalry anymore because of societies view. She said that if a guy was to open a door for his wife, then others might see it as the guy is afraid of his wife or queen control or something like that. Personally, I think it’s stupid but it does carry some truth in it. Be too nice to a girl and other might just think you are a sissy. Carry all her shopping bags and others will think that you are “whipped”. There are just no winning in this.

My personal opinion on this is that, chivalry is still very much alive, at least there’s still someone like me *laugh*. Chivalry should be use accordingly. Just like everything else, too much of something is not really a good thing. There’s a thin line in being a gentleman and being a sucker. The true art is knowing which is which. There’s still hope in chivalry, the only problem is that there’s not many man left who knows how to differentiate from being a true gentleman and a hopeless sucker.

The next time a guy is being nice to you, be nice back to him.