Comment was initially posted on “demons revisited”. Posted by: Anonymous.

"I give alot
I take alot
It's nothing new to me"

I'm torn. I've been teared apart, my heart has been ripped out, now i'm a walking corpse. I can hardly eat or sleep, took 3 sleeping pills last night and forced myself to sleep. This morning when i woke up, i stood infront of mirror for more than 10 minutes. I was observing myself. My eyes are read, my face is pale, i look dead. And i thought to myself, "Is this me?"

Saw my ex with another girl the other day, and i know the girl. She's my best friend. Atleast i thought, she was my best friend. I am such a fool. I am so stupid. After all the efforts and time i've wasted, all i get in return is betrayal. How long have they been lying to me? I wonder. If it wasn't me proposed the idea of breaking up, he would have date us both at the same time? How am i supposed to believe in love now? Just when i thought my life was getting better, suddenly it hit me again. I wonder, how many times must i take this? I can hardly stand this anymore. Why does the one i love always hurt me? Was i not being sincere enough? Was it all my fautls..? I'm questioning myself, i don't believe in love anymore. I feel so ashamed of myself.

Instead of asking yourself “is this me?” you should ask “is this all worth it?” I know I am in no position to judge but I really don’t think it is worth it to feel like crap just because of a guy (a useless guy in your case). It’s ok to be sad and wallow in it for a while but just try not to wallow in it for too long. It hurts you inner-self.

What is love? I do not know. Do I believe in love? Maybe, maybe not but who cares? But I do believe in happiness and that’s for sure. Will love make me happy? Yes. Do I need love to be happy? No. You don’t really need love to be happy. In our society these days, love is as good as a promise made by a Malaysian politician. It looks and sounds good but whether it is really that good or not, it’s hard to judge.

[Why does the one i love always hurt me? Was i not being sincere enough? Was it all my fautls..? I'm questioning myself, i don't believe in love anymore. I feel so ashamed of myself.] Why don’t you think that perhaps it wasn’t your fault at all? Why question yourself only and not the guy? So you really think that everything happens because you weren’t good enough and that you are to blame for everything? You proposed for the break up so you did made the right decision. Shit happens. You just got to learn how to deal with it, it’s not easy but it’s sure worth a try.