Comment originated from "the demons within" post.

well.. i guess i has been putting myself into restriction for too long.

from dad saying u have to u should study good good... for brighter future.. bla bla bla..

mom say u should know ways to clean here n there so that u won't be in a mess....

lecturer say this and that....

i restrict myself from doing lotsa thing just to follow people restriction towards what i wanna do... i think i have propose long time ago that i am going to do.. i think most probably, it is about time i put and leave all the restrictions that i am baring now and heading towards what i wanna do.

i do not wish to think too much about how other feel or how other will be disappointed with what am i going to do, i do not want to know will they blame themself or will they hate me... i do not think i have the energy to tolerance with others restrictions... i want to walk my way .. i want to show off... with what i can do... i do not want to care if they will blame themself or they will be sad or they will feel disappointed.. i don care anymore... i hope i will feel better by that way... people judge my dids saying what i has been doing all this while is just because i want to be the champion, so i guess everyone will feel better if i say now i am losing all and i am a loser... let them feel great with it.. because i know, no matter what i do, people just will never understand me...

well recently i have taken lots of pics, lots of video clips, and recorded my own stories... file by file i zipped it... i hope... when the days that people finally want to have the intention to now me will find out from there.. i don't think i want to wait for too long.. i just ... well.. i do not want to know what happen if i do this or what is the consequences if i do other things.. i am too tired to think and think..

i do not want to care i do not want to clarified anything else.. i am tired of explaining and listening and being understanding.. i am sick of life... too tired.. yeah.. i should be resting by now or sooner...

yet, i still have a hope... hope everyone has a better tomolo , a tomolo that they really wants it...

by the way, i did the almost the last thing that i need to do.. cut off those that i should, so that someone else could remain a better connectios with, with me in between, things will be sour sooner or later.. makes the small thing big, pissed the one off... and i did it :) chat with a friend about that.. feel great and luckily that friend support my did... feel glad.. :)

well... i am off today .. having my mc... and from tomolo onwards, my two weeks notification to resign activated...

from then .. i will have my time.. in my room, fully utilise my brain cells, squezzing my mentallity... well.. hmm... what else..

wtf.. this not my final blog... so why do i sound like i am... no i am not... this is not my final day... i still have long way to go... kehahahahah....

u will never know when or which is the last.... or the best... welll....

To lose all hope is to have freedom and I believe that’s what you are doing now. If you care, you’ll just get disappointed all the time. If you don't care, nothing matters so you are never upset. You feel liberated in a way. Lose all hope now and I am sure soon you’ll come to a point where you’ll start to see things differently. You could never really know what is white until you’ve been thru the darkest of black. For a man to truly live, he has to die once.

We should live to our own expectations and not others. Why put your happiness on other’s hand? When I was young, I always wanted to win. And just winning is not enough because I want more. I want them to recognize my win (the highest level of winning or in Cantonese “sam fok hau fok” *sigh*). So indirectly my happiness was not in my own hands anymore. I am not happy when others do not recognize my win. I am not happy when I lose. I am not happy because I can’t make myself happy on my own. I need the participation of others in order to make myself happy. But now I don’t even care if I win or lose. Heck, I don’t even want to compete anymore.

[well recently i have taken lots of pics, lots of video clips, and recorded my own stories] It sounds like you are documenting your legacy. Why not hire a historian and write it all into a book. It should make an interesting read *grin*

[people just will never understand me... ] You do not need anyone to understand you. At the end of the day, you only have yourself to answer to. You are a great person; we all are in our own way. If others can’t see that then too bad for them because it’s their lost. And who needs a person who doesn’t know how to appreciate good things anyway.

[.. feel great and luckily that friend support my did... feel glad.. :)] Good to hear that. It’s always nice to have someone around. And I too hope that you have a better tomorrow. A tomorrow that you really want *grin*

[u will never know when or which is the last.... or the best... welll....] Exactly, we will never know. There is no such thing as lasting perfection. Most of us, everyday we work our ass off but for what? Yes, we work for a better future, a more stable life, a life with fewer things to worry about. But who could promise us that no shit is going to happen tomorrow? Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We are so busy watching out for what's ahead of us that we no longer take the time to enjoy where we are.

What Tyler had created was the shadow of a giant palm made from strategically placed logs. Only now the fingers were too long and the thumb was too short, but he said that at exactly 4:30 PM the hand was perfect. The giant shadow hand was perfect for one minute, and for one perfect minute Tyler had sat in the palm of perfection he’d created himself. Tyler said, “One minute was enough. A person had to work hard for it, but a minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection” – Fight Club, Chapter 3.